Private detective agencies in Japan provide a service, that is, “looking for your first love”, and 90% of their clients are women. It can be seen that women are far more concerned about their old lovers than men. Why do women care about their old lovers? Why are you willing to call them?
one of the reasons: I thought of him by chance, and his telephone number was easy to find.
An Lin, 29, returned to her hometown for business. Passing by the gate of her alma mater’s middle school, those familiar sights and smells made her suddenly recall her high school days and her first boyfriend. The simple love in the old days aroused her infinite emotion. Out of nostalgia for the beautiful past and curiosity to know whether the former lover was OK when he came again, she got the boy’s telephone number from her mother and dialed his number. They had dinner together and recalled the beautiful past together.
Advantage: it satisfies his curiosity and vanity, because he still remembers those years ago.
Disadvantages: such a reunion is enough. Don’t abuse it. Otherwise, it is difficult to keep even good memories. In fact, everyone knows that everything in the past will never come back.
second reason: because he once said that if he wanted to, he could dial his mobile phone number at any time.
Xiaowei, 36, recalled: I broke up with him. He was very sad. The last time we met, he was in tears. It was very distressing that a big man cried like this. He said I was his eternal pain. But he understood my determination, because he really could not give me the happiness I expected. He said that as long as I wanted, I could dial his mobile phone number anytime, anywhere. Every Christmas since then, I will call him. I have been feeling guilty for hurting a heart that loves me so much.
Advantage: in men’s tears, women’s vanity is satisfied. Comforting a broken heart is what all women are willing to do.
Disadvantages: men are more forgetful than we think, and they have a grudge. When the pain in his heart subsides, your image and status in his mind will completely change. When you are still calling him in a tone full of guilt and concern, he may be muttering in his heart: this woman is annoying enough, and she always does not know her correct position.
reason 3: a woman calls her old lover to invite him to her birthday party.
excuse. A woman wants to see her old lover again, but making an appointment alone will make her feel embarrassed, and she does not know whether the other party is willing to accept such an appointment, so she is willing to use some important anniversaries as an excuse to let her old lover appear with everyone. Mary, 32, invited her old lover to her birthday party. But among her family and friends, his appearance seemed very sudden. He didn’t know who to talk to and stood alone in the corner. A very awkward reunion.
Advantage: it satisfies women’s vanity. He is still willing to accept our invitation.
Disadvantages: it’s obvious that he’s starting to regret coming to this party. He won’t accept your invitation so easily next time.
reason 4: breaking up is helpless.
Why do we have to separate in the end when we are in love? This love is a permanent pain in a woman’s heart. She believes that he is the best person for her in the world. Now that the objective environment has changed, can we start again?
Charlene, 27, recalled that the time I spent with him was the happiest time in my life. After him, I had never met another man who could make me so happy. I called him, but he never answered.
Advantage: women can think that he refused to answer our phone because he was still sad for the lost love, and he didn’t have the courage to face us again and lose us again.
Such thinking can satisfy women’s vanity.
Disadvantages: life is cruel. Our aspirations are often unfulfilled. He mercilessly refused our request to meet.
reason 5: women are willing to call their old lover because they feel that he is the only one who can talk about their troubles.
Effie, 22, said: every time I feel depressed, I will call my ex boyfriend and tell him about my troubles. He is more than a friend. In my mind, he is my forever lover.
Advantage: satisfied self vanity. This man still has patience to listen to us. Does he still love me?
Disadvantages: this kind of talk is better not to become a habit. You should know that he should have a new love life. If he always receives your confidences in the middle of the night, what will his current girlfriend think? Be realistic and don’t always indulge in fantasy. We are already his past.
reason 6: a woman calls her old lover because she still loves him.
Shuya, 36, said: he left me, and I was very sad. A year later, I still couldn’t forget him, so I called him. He came and spent a night with me, but I found that everything had changed irretrievably. I can’t face him with the same mentality anymore, because his departure has brought me too much harm. I can’t forget all this. This reunion is our last meeting.
Advantage: very good. The woman didn’t cry when he left this time. We can completely free ourselves from the shadow of this failed love.
Disadvantages: women realize once again that a man can change his love for us without our permission, and his betrayal will not be punished. Life is cruel.
reason 7: sometimes time needs a little backward.
Women always need to prove that love can last forever.
Yue Ming, 35, has been married for 10 years and regularly dated her old lover: “I can call him anytime, and he will try his best to come and see me. We can reminisce about the past together.”
Advantage: it satisfies women’s vanity. At any time, it is not a woman’s fault to create a warm environment for herself.
Disadvantages: basically no disadvantages. Just if you let your husband know, what will he think of you?
reason 8: single life is sometimes unbearable.
Li Sha, 31, said: “since I left him, I have been living alone. One night, I was so lonely that I asked him to have dinner with me. But the moment he appeared at the door of the restaurant, I understood once again why we can’t be together. I don’t love him anymore.”
Advantage: women understand that when there is no love, celibacy is the most appropriate.
Disadvantages: spend some lonely and difficult nights alone.
In fact, the biggest difficulty in getting along with an old lover is how to understand the failed relationship between them and how to correctly view their current relationship.
Is it love? Or friendship?
Sticking to the past too much will destroy the present life psychologically and even materially. Most men don’t believe that there will be friendship between the two sexes. They come to see you out of love, curiosity, or unwillingness to refuse your kindness. After women know this, they may be more cautious when dialing this phone.
Memory is beautiful because it has passed and can no longer hurt us. Let them become the present and become a sharp sword again.
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