Today is my 30th birthday, and I suddenly found that I have nothing in this prosperous city of Taiyuan at the age of 30: no family ties, no home of my own, and even no love. Today, I drank a lot of “Chivas” alone, which can be regarded as a formal curtain call for my age at the beginning of the word… So, on this cold summer night, I woke up as if I had never slept.
While crying, I asked myself: do I really love him that much?
In the autumn of 2000, I came to Taiyuan alone, a city on a high loess slope. At that time, I loved this city incomparably. My birthday wish at the age of 22 is to live with the boy I like every day, then have a child with him, and spend my life happily in this city that belongs to him.
Two months after I followed the boy to Taiyuan, my wish was dashed. He told me clearly that he had his favorite person, just like the sky suddenly fell. I don’t know why he didn’t tell me so clearly before. Does he just want to test his charm?
That night, having no more money in my pocket, I suddenly found myself blind: for a love without shadow, I left my city, my parents and relatives, and threw myself into a completely strange city.
I cried like hell in my quilt. While crying like hell, I asked myself: do I really love him that much?
The answer is No. But I did shed all my tears that night, which is still impressive eight years later.
There was no time to despair, because I had to find a job for my mouth. Half a year later, I had a very noble career – – trainee journalist. And he got married. I don’t know if it has anything to do with me, but I have really forgotten him. What I still remember is the handsome boy I met when I was 19.
The Chinese new year has not yet arrived, but I have never seen that young and clean face and his thin figure again.
Since my 23rd birthday, I have thought to the flickering candle that youth is gone and will never return, so I will try my best to seize it.
At that time, I was no longer a little girl who cried like rain for a first love that had not begun.
Taiyuan is really not very big. I have been familiar with it for a year.
From Beiying to my work unit, I have to take the bus twice a day. In order to make me rich, I work hard to do various topics. I am on the road at more than 6 a.m. every morning. Sitting in the car, I always look out of the window longingly when I look at the city. Several times, when my eyes floated out of the window, I felt a pair of eyes always drifting on my face.
I looked along the eyes, a young and clean face smiled at me, and I couldn’t help smiling back at him.
From that day on, “on the road” is no longer a boring and difficult journey. And I also began to feel that I had integrated into the city.
He and I often meet on the same No. 11 bus. We always look at each other and smile. No matter how tired and aggrieved we are after a day’s work, we feel that these are nothing at all. But gradually, I began to be dissatisfied with such mutual respect. I was eager to learn more about him and get close to him. I believe he also had the same idea as me, but why didn’t he talk to me? Even if they just talk about each other’s work.
I planned in my heart that I would wait until the new year of 2002, when he would not talk to me again, I would say hello to him first. I have practiced in my heart countless times.
The new year of 2002 has not yet arrived, but I have never seen that young and clean face and his thin figure again.
For a time, I couldn’t get away from that disappointment: what happened to him? Has he left Taiyuan? If not, I believe he will not come to see me, and he will never leave without saying hello to me.
In the dark, I suddenly found that this is not true love. And I, in fact, have been longing for a true love.
Qinxian street is not my favorite place. Although it is known as the gathering place of petty bourgeoisie and white-collar workers, there are many cars and noisy people there, which is not suitable for people like me who like a little excitement but don’t like too much excitement.
But I’m quite vulgar. I like eating and I like the fashion of going to coffee shops to talk about things. Sitting in the window seat, drinking coffee, chatting faintly, occasionally having nothing to say, I just looked out the window, and everything conformed to my imagination.
Because we ate together, I met him, who can give me a little warmth in my lonely life.
He was the one who accompanied me on my 24th birthday. He was also a stranger and had no love like me, so we had the opportunity to drink coffee together often, and then walked from the east to the west of Qinxian street, and then went back to our homes.
He never said I love you, just said I know you are lonely. But I don’t mind. I can’t wait to have a love.
One midnight after parting from Qinxian street, he suddenly called, and his voice was full of burning desire. He said to me that I wanted you to come here, right away. “No.” I only said one word and hung up. I can’t accept being called or waved away. What’s more, I suddenly find out in the dark that this is not true love. And I, in fact, have been longing for a true love.
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